To My Badass Beast

It is certainly my honor to know you. You showed up, amazingly, at a time when I needed you most.
I've been watching an amazing transformation in you recently. Even if I don't show it, I want you to know
that all your support and encouragement has, in fact, helped me along my road. And that one fleeting minute you mentioned....it's happening. When I consider my darkest moments with the disorder, I think about what you see and get past it. I work hard and honestly.
Your energy is so admired by me. You ability to take a dark damned demon and grab it by the horns to use it to your advantage is absolutely amazing! I love how you're handling it. That takes a gnarly beast of a person to even attempt!! And, girl, I am sooooooo super stinkin' proud of you!!!!
I do miss seeing you in the halls at work. But the time I've had to spend with you and talk with you one on one I wouldn't trade for the world.
You're an amazing young woman. I know you will continue to fight because that's what you're meant to do: fight.
You've got back up. Day or night, any time.
You're in my heart and on my mind...all the time.
I love you, I'm proud of you, and yes....we've got this shit.
From one phenomenal badass beast to another - ~J

My friend's suicide attempt, my recovery changed forever.

It's a two-word common phrase that pretty much everyone has heard: let go.
I just didn't know what exactly that meant for me. Really, that could be anything. What I didn't anticipate at all was what happened recently that would change my course in recovery to where it needed to be.

For the last 2 or so years, my doctor has been asking me "How can I help you?" I never had an answer for her.Being in therapy about the same amount of time, you'd think I would. Things had, at times, become very confusing long before I could detect any clarity. I never dreamed that  a simple paragraph could change a life so.

I have a friend. She's a total spitfire with a gorgeous spirit about her. She brightens the world to those around her. Well, I got a message from her one afternoon.

She tried to kill herself.

My instinctual, gut reaction was panic. But it was a panic of needing to go tell her RIGHT NOW that she was loved, wanted. She needed to know how important she was and how her very presence is a wonderful contribution to society. But, I could not do that at that particular time. Now...I had to go face a shift at work.

I thought about nothing but her on the drive. But as I fought my tears, something inside me happened. Almost immediately, like someone took my journal and threw it up against my forehead, the answer came to me. It came out of the blue.
I now knew what to answer to Dr. Skinner's question, "How can I help you?" It was so very basic. It was just  what everyone needs, not just myself. And, so I told Dr. Skinner that evening. Why didn't I realize something so basic sooner?
I was too afraid to examine what lay dormant inside me: a form of love.

My friend's suicide attempt threw that unknown feeling right in my face. I was forced to figure out what it was, and at this moment I cannot 100% comprehend it. But, I am guessing it's something that requires more discovery and seeking out.
As long as we continue to explore what lies inside us and use it to the best of our ability, it will not have been for waste.
My friend survived. I'm surviving. Together, we can totally do it together. Love is an army that grows and conquers.

Thank you.