I'm scared.

That's it, really.
Getting scared about inpatient.
Big time scared.

Telling the kids.

Well, first off Happy Easter!

While Jason was at work today I took the opportunity to tell the boys I will be gone for a while. How do you even do that - telling your children you'll be gone for about a month or so and not quite sure when you'll be back? I got advice from Kristin on how to do it, so the conversation went a little like this:


Me: Mommy's going to be gone for a while to learn how to eat better and be healthy.

William began to get that trembly chin after I told him how long, approximately. His face got red.

William: Why can't you just go to St. Al's?

Me: St. Al's doesn't have what I need.

So we discussed more about why I'm going. It's hard to put an eating disorder and all its components into a child's eyes. So, to take the sting out of me being gone, I put William in charge of organizing a welcome back from Utah party. Needless to say, he's quite happy about being in charge of a party! Mission accomplished.
Andrew, however, didn't seem to care one way or another. I told him the same thing, but he was more interested in something else.
Leaving them isn't going to be easy. Maybe some of you are wondering how I can leave my family for that long. Believe me, the decision wasn't made overnight. At my last appointment I kept telling Doc, "I'm scared. I'm nervous." And I still am.