Breaking Barriers and the Doctor-Patient Relationship

I have been in active recovery from my eating disorder going on 3 years now. There

are very few, if any, services in Idaho for those with eating disorders. My treatment

is handled by two MD’s, a clinical psychologist and a registered dietitian that does

specialize. It’s an incredible orchestration of teamwork and communication. The

doctor-patient relationship is really important, but when you have to work on that with

4 different providers it gets a little hairy.

I see my primary doc every week. She monitors my weight and my meds. She will

review what I’ve eaten and what’s been going on in general. And, sometimes, we’ll talk

about knitting and good stuff like that. She told me one time that she’s going to have

to teach me to spin. That was quite a while back.

So I asked her again about the spinning. And she invited me to her house to learn.

Sure, that’s cool. I’ll get to meet the family and her critters she’s got.

Jocele and I chilled in a room upstairs in her house. It was painted this light blue

color and flooded with the afternoon sun. Plum orchards graced the scenery from the

window. She sat on a couch and did some embroidery while I tried desperately to not

break the fiber I was trying to feed the spinner. I asked her a lot of questions.

Where did you go to school?

What do you like to do?

What do you like to eat?

You know....it was kinda like playing 20 questions. And she answered every single one.

When she taught me the

actual spinning, she would

stand up beside me and guide

my fingers on the fiber. She

literally pulled my fingers

down with hers. She did this

one other time with knitting,

and I couldn’t stand the

human touch. I would try to

get up the nerve to shake her

hands off. This time, though, I

don’t think I cringed too bad.

The frustration this time was

getting the tension right on

the yarn! She put some

classical music on, and I just

zoned out, producing crappy yarn but loving the moment. I spent hours in that room. Feeling safe. At peace. And really enjoying getting to know Jocele.

I had completely lost track of time and all of a sudden she was standing in front of the window asking if I wanted tostay for tacos, salad, and apple crisp. Inside my mind, I was questioning everything. I looked up, and the woman I had been bugging for the last two years to smile more gave me the biggest “come on...”

type of smile

.

I hate eating in front of people. I always have. Jocele treats my eating disorder. And

here she is wanting me to eat with her. Sure......no problemo. I don’t really know

anyone too well, some friends of hers are coming over and I’m wondering why this is

even happening. But, nothing that I thought would happen happened. No one looked

at me funny. We dished about tattoos and ink. No one monitored my food. I was made

to feel....welcome. No one treated me like a patient or a client. I was treated like a

normal human being.

I don’t know how often experiences like that happen. It felt so good though - not

to discuss my disorder or medications. I was captivated by her son and daughter. I

enjoyed seeing Jocele with a bucket for collecting eggs instead of a stethoscope around

her neck.

One thing I had always told my therapist was that I didn’t want to be known as the

girl with the eating disorder. It’s not who I am. So, that being said, two very important

goals were reached that afternoon I walked around with chickens at my feet.

I fought the urge to get out and let myself see where it would go. I let myself be social.

Jocele treated me with pure human kindness and dignity. For an afternoon, I was not

her patient. I felt equal to her. Her patience level is astounding as demonstrated by me

duking it out with her spinning wheel. Maybe she just …....saw me.

To be treated with human kindness and dignity. I am always pushing for this in my

blog. Exposing myself and sharing experiences that society alienates me for. Feeling

isolated.

Alone. Deeply saddened.

Jocele blew that out of the water. She did just that: treated me with kindness and

dignity. She proved with just one action that there are people that will look past the

outside struggles. What she did was get inside. Gave me a chance. Met me. And gave

me the hope that there are people that care about each other. Actions like that are

rare. And it chips away at the disorder.

Maybe next time I’ll get the tension right on the fiber. Maybe I’ll relax enough so I

don’t produce another batch of dreadlocks. But I’m totally thrilled Jocele will be there

to help!