It's been said that recovery from an eating disorder can take years. My own therapist, Kristin, told me this will take a long time. I am currently entering year 3 in active recovery. One issue that has completely hung up and delayed progress was my need to control my own recovery. I had everyone in place: two MD's, a Ph.D, and a RD. I kept my appointments. I showed. I payed what I owed. But I bucked.
Kristin would tell me from time to time "You say you want to recover, but you don't do the work."
I would not do what my dietitian said.
At times I was non-compliant with all my meds.
Yes, that was me controlling my own recovery and working it my own way.
After over 2 years, I finally decided that I had to let go of everything: my pride, my need to control and perfect, and my need to direct my recovery. I was going no where until I let Kristin, Jocele, Tim, and Rhonda do their jobs and help me. I had to follow every direction.
And guess what?
It's true. Recovery can happen. I'm still in the process, but following all their directions has dramatically changed my outlook on things. I no longer think I will die from this disorder. I actually believe in full recovery, being recovered. Recovered. Fully. My moods are stabilizing. I have individual therapy, group therapy and medical appointments regularly. I'm actually enjoying therapy now!
Interestingly enough, I don't feel the need to control my recovery anymore. I just do the work, and that in itself is working. I'm excited right now; I get to make a recovery collage. I've never done that.
I let go. I'm meeting the real me for the first time in 18 years. And let me tell you, she's a pretty determined gal.
Don't give up. Let go. Let your team work you. And just believe in yourself. You're so worth it, and it's so possible.
Thanks for reading.
KKA9776PX9KN
Kristin would tell me from time to time "You say you want to recover, but you don't do the work."
I would not do what my dietitian said.
At times I was non-compliant with all my meds.
Yes, that was me controlling my own recovery and working it my own way.
After over 2 years, I finally decided that I had to let go of everything: my pride, my need to control and perfect, and my need to direct my recovery. I was going no where until I let Kristin, Jocele, Tim, and Rhonda do their jobs and help me. I had to follow every direction.
And guess what?
It's true. Recovery can happen. I'm still in the process, but following all their directions has dramatically changed my outlook on things. I no longer think I will die from this disorder. I actually believe in full recovery, being recovered. Recovered. Fully. My moods are stabilizing. I have individual therapy, group therapy and medical appointments regularly. I'm actually enjoying therapy now!
Interestingly enough, I don't feel the need to control my recovery anymore. I just do the work, and that in itself is working. I'm excited right now; I get to make a recovery collage. I've never done that.
I let go. I'm meeting the real me for the first time in 18 years. And let me tell you, she's a pretty determined gal.
Don't give up. Let go. Let your team work you. And just believe in yourself. You're so worth it, and it's so possible.
Thanks for reading.
KKA9776PX9KN
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