Monday, December 19, 2011

Ending

2011. This has been one of the most tumultuous years of my life. I entered eating disorder treatment and was discharged because of insurance issues. 4 days. I was crushed.
I totaled my Honda. Andrew and I escaped without a scratch.
I was fired. Completely traumatized. But I received my justice. If I were to give them a piece of my mind, I would BLOW their minds. And I wouldn't have used one negative word.

Changes in my treatment and who's been treating me. Intensive outpatient. Still close follow up with my physicians and my therapist. But 3 more counselors added. Crazy insane.

Hubby went back to school. He just aced his finals this week. I'm so proud of him.

I've been confused, hurt, lonely and resentful beyond belief. But I've had time. A lot of time. When my friend told me she no longer saw the hollow look in my eyes, I was filled with so much hope. I felt God press on my heart that my heart has indeed been healed and is no longer damaged. I remain hopeful. I am still frightened by the unknown, but it's time for me to raise my chin up and grab it, head on.
The most important people in my life haven't given up on me. They've remained faithful to me and have been encouraging. During my darkest moments, I have been shown mercy by an incredible person. She's taught me a lot about compassion just by her actions.

I'll be ok. I am stronger and more vigilant. I know my triggers; I know how to make it through.

What seems devastating in one's life can become the most obvious blessings. Sometimes one just needs a little shove, a kick in the tush, and just a little love to recognize that.

Bring it.

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